emptying the nest

What does it mean to be an empty nester? What 'qualifies' you for that designation? Does it happen naturally when all children have officially left the house for college and/or the working world? What if these children still come home during summers and/or over winter breaks? Does that 'count' in this case?

I recently got into this discussion with my boss, as he felt the moniker did not apply to people like me whose kids were still in college. After all, we still see them for three weeks over the winter holidays, and they're still coming home during the summer. Sure, we know both of those things are temporary, but they still apply today. So which is it?

Ever since our youngest went off to start his freshman year of college two months ago, we've considered ourselves to be empty nesters. For the first time, the kids will spend more time away from home than at home. Is it an adjustment? Sure, but it's also incredible exciting. What will this next stage of life look like? What will we look like? I can't pretend I have the answers, but I, for one, am curious to find out...

movin' on up

It's a strange thing to have an awareness & acceptance of the future without really understanding what it all means. My kids are now 10 & 12, but I can already see ahead to the time when they'll be gone at college. Why is this image more present these days? As they continue to grow into their own selves, with unique senses of humor and interests, you start seeing the people they'll become. You start seeing the relationship you'll have with these people, not these children.

How will I react when that time comes? I've always rationally known that those days would come, just I've always known that they would mark a point when my wife & I would be alone together again.  How will I think of the children then?  Will I keep reminiscing about their early childhood, as I do today, wistfully flipping through photos of their earliest days?  Will I instead longingly reflect on their middle school & high school years, as they grew into the people we'd hoped they would?

I keep telling myself that we don't know what those days hold.  I only know that I treasure every minute right now. every smile, every hug, every laugh, and every "I love you."  I will look back on these days somewhere down the line, but I will not regret anything, for I will know I enjoyed them to the fullest when they were here.

9 to 5

Sometime in the next few weeks or months, my wife will return to an office environment for the first time in more than a decade. She's spent the intervening time raising three kids, doing some consulting work, and running two businesses. Sounds like a good thing, right? Intellectual fulfillment, extra income, etc. All true, but it stands to serve as a rather large disruption for two kids who have only ever known a world with their mother at home. They have seen me head off to the office day after day, so they learned to accept that as a fact of life. This, however, is something new. One year ago, this would have been a much more difficult discussion. I was waking up at 5am four days a week to hoof it into the city, spending one day a week telecommuting so as to escape the brutal 2-3 hours of daily travel time. Last spring, however, I switched that around, to the point that I now visit the office one day a week, working from home the other four. Now, having my wife return to the rat race is not the sort of choice that will drive my kids to a child care program. Now, it just means I get to be even more hands-on with my little guys. Of course, they're also reaching a point where they'll be more and more self-sufficient. No matter how we look at it, it's a big change for us, especially for my wife. She's understandably excited and nervous, but we're both eager for the adventure. Ready, set...

bravery defined

As parents of a fifth grader, we've had a number of opportunities of late to start learning about middle school. After all, next year, our little girl will go from being at the top of the food chain to the very bottom. This is a rite of passage for every fifth grader (and, later, for every eighth grader), and we've accepted it as fact. We've also accepted, based on where we live, that our daughter will be going to the local middle school. That second assumption may need to be revisited. Our county offers a number of special programs, including a very selective math & science program. This program, held at one of the other middle schools in the area, offers students with an interest in math & science to apply for admittance. The program only selects a dozen or so individuals per year, so acceptance is a long shot at best, but what impressed me is that my daughter is excited to apply. Knowing that she would be leaving behind her friends and a comfortable path, she wants to push herself and really explore the possibility within this program. This cannot be an easy thing to do, let alone for a ten-year-old girl. We're talking about an age where kids just want to be liked, to fit in, and to be a part of something. She's willing to step outside of all of that to pursue an incredible opportunity. Make it or not, I could not be more proud of her.

branching out on his own

Nothing fills a parent with pride like seeing a child truly come into his own. We all have ideas about what our kids will become, and we often wonder what parts of ourselves we will see in them.  My youngest are now 7 and 9, and we can finally begin to see parts of themselves punch free.

Tasked with honoring Dr. Seuss at school the other day, our little guy went online, researched how to make his own Dr. Seuss hat, printed out everything he needed, and built it himself!  The type of newsworthy achievement on par with the fictional Doogie Howser? Hardly.  For us, though, it was a great statement about our little guy's determination, creativity, and spirit.  When I saw that finished product, I could not have been any prouder of him.

childhood revisited...

When I was no more than five years old, my family made its first summer trip down to Hilton Head, SC.  Little did I know then that it would become a mainstay for my own children more than thirty years later!

We aren't always fully aware of how events of our childhood impact our adult lives.  For example, why do I pick up donuts for my kids  every Saturday morning?  That is exactly what my own father did every week when I was little.  Similarly, a weeklong family vacation in the middle of summer to this tiny island seems only natural.  It's familiar, it's comfortable, and it's relaxing.  Most of all, though, it's family.  It's symbolic of all those wonderful childhood remembrances, ones I certainly don't mind reliving.

Will we always journey down to Hilton Head during the heat of August?  Who knows.  Maybe my children will grow tired of this place.  Maybe I will.  Maybe the extended family, whose presence makes this more than a typical vacation, will develop an itch for something new.  I don't know, but until that day comes, I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy these moments. 

roles & responsibilities

Sometimes, when you've been with one person long enough, you don't always realize how you've divided up life's responsibilities.  This is especially true with parents of young kids.  One person naturally gravitates to the laundry, while another may tend to the garbage.  There is no right or wrong approach - just different approaches.

As my wife and I near our tenth wedding anniversary, I can clearly see the different roles we've both taken on over the years.  I could no more fill her shoes than she could fill mine.  We "work" because we each recognize those areas where the other shines and align ourselves accordingly.  That's marriage, that's love, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

what he may remember

Looking back on my own childhood, it's amazing how many things I forget. I scour pictures from my youth, and I conjure an image in my mind, but I realize that I actually remember precious little. It was with this in mind that I decided to pose a question to my six-year-old son.

We're moving in less than a month, and, although our new home is only one mile away, it will be a new neighborhood and a new beginning. I've lived here for eight of my thirty-seven years, but he's lived all six years of his life here. What will he remember? When he thinks of "home" later in life, will he remember this first home or the one into which we are about to move?

My little guy, looking up at me with childlike insight, told me that he would remember growing up here, although he'd forget all the boo-boos along the way. He'd hold onto all the happy memories. That's my boy...

adoration, pure & simple

My little guy brings us so much joy, each and every day, and I often wonder if he realizes just how much we adore him. He's only five years old, yet he's a such a sweet little boy, so smart and so hard-working. With his apraxia, he's had so much to overcome in his young life, but he's tackled everything that's been thrown his way, and we could not be prouder.

Most importantly, he seems to know how much he is loved, and he knows how special he is. He never has to doubt how wonderful he can be, and, with that in mind, we think he can accomplish anything. My little man...

the things we do

It's amazing the things we find ourselves doing as parents. Before I met my wife and had kids, it never occurred to me to stay up late / get up early for Black Friday deals. Now? It's an annual tradition!

What causes this? Is it the financial savings? The quality time out without the kids?! Some new twisted sense of adventure? I don't really know, but I'm okay with that. It's a Thanksgiving ritual for us, and it's one that's not going anywhere.